It’s called romance. Do you notice the word in the middle there? Ro – MAN – ce. That’s right, man is right in the middle there. And yet, one of the greatest complaints I hear as a relationship coach is how men seemed to have fallen asleep at the wheel of the romance car. In fact, according to statisticbrain.com 85% of women purchase Valentine’s Day cards, and 53% of women say they would end their relationship if they DIDN’T receive something for Valentine’s Day! Yikes! Now that’s some pressure.
Take a moment and imagine this: It is January, 2019. You have worked hard this year to make your marriage better. You have taken responsibility for your contribution to the problem. Your humility has softened your spouse’s walls . Your marriage is more loving. Your life is better. You are reminded why you fell in love and got married. You remember love each time you are tempted to be petty. You have done your work. You are on the path to the marriage you’ve always wanted.
Most of the couples calling for counseling tell me, “We don’t know how to communicate.” Whether it’s talking about feelings, being clear about logistics, negotiating disagreements or even finding the time to talk, most couples struggle with communication.
Who vacuums the floor? How often should the floors be cleaned? How about the laundry? What about the kids – who’s gonna pick them up? Who’s turn to do the dishes? You have to handle the money, ‘cause I don’t want to! Well, then you have to clean the cat box! Don’t even get me started about being late to everything…
Have you ever had one of those magic moments in therapy? I’m talking about those times when a therapist’s observation hits you like the time my Uncle Dean knocked me over with a sack of Idaho potatoes! After these moments, life is never quite the same. You have a new way of seeing the world that, in some remarkable way, changes things.
In order to build intimacy couples need to learn the essential skill of grounding and centering. As much as it is important for COUPLES – it really is an INDIVIDUAL skill. Each person is responsible for their own thoughts, feelings and behaviors and most importantly - how to come back down to earth and soothe themselves.